Yesterday, on the anniversary of my disappearance, I had a surprising visit here in Costa Rica. An American writer named John Thorndike has been putting a book together about my life, and came to see me, unannounced. Of course I was glad to see him–how could I resist someone who’s fascinated by my story and wants to write a book about it? Who has written a book about it. Who says he might have a publisher, and wants to ask me a few more questions.
We’ve talked before, here on the Villamano family farm. I don’t know how he tracked me down the first time, but he was most respectful. He was going to write a book, but he wouldn’t expose me, wouldn’t use my Costa Rican name (it’s not Villamano, that’s a pseudonym), wouldn’t disrupt my life. I don’t know why I trusted him, but I did. I guess I had to, since he’d already figured everything out. It’s a novel he’s writing, anyway, so when he wants to change a few details, he does. When he tells the story of my flight out of Cuba, for example, he includes my pilot, Luciano Fariña, but omits my escort, Félix Rodriguez. I felt this was disrespectful, but listened to the writer’s explanation about the demands of fiction. Well, okay.
I’ve read a draft of the manuscript, and he got most everything right. Some of the scenes with me and Clare in bed are kind of embarrassing–but at the same time I love thinking back to that time in our lives. What passion! And this Thorndike has a grip on the dilemma I felt in those days, when I was caught between my passion for the beautiful Clare, and my passion for the Revolution. I don’t know if I’d ever have resolved that if someone hadn’t put a bomb on my plane and banished me from my country.
We sat last night under the coffee trees in back, the yanqui writer and Clare and I, talking late into the night. He has brought the latest draft of his book, and I’ll be reading it soon. None of us could get over the fact that my flight out of Camagûey–and Clare’s from Havana, a year and a half later–happened almost sixty years ago. At the same time, everything we talked about fed into a debate that’s gotten stronger in my household: Why should I go on hiding my past? Why not tell the truth and let people live with it? Let me live with it.
So much discussion these days–these decades, actually–about the failures of the Revolution. And life isn’t easy for Cubans, I understand. Of course, I see it from the position of an almost-retired physician in a most civilized country. But I won’t ever forget the poverty and injustice, the disgrace that was Cuba in the nineteen-fifties. People can criticize Fidel for plenty of bad decisions, because he’s made them. But his basic changes for Cuba were long overdue, and admirable. Socialism, Communism, I don’t care what you call it, we had to pay more attention to the poor of our country, and that’s what Fidel devoted his life to.
Ah, I can still go off on a rant. I went off on one last night, with Clare listening quietly and that writer, Thorndike, taking notes. Then Clare went off herself, all about the retrograde health system of the great U.S.A., and in the end we broke out some mangos and started laughing as we ate them, because it’s always such a mess.
A novel about my life! And Clare’s life, too. I have to say, I look forward to seeing it in print.